Why are you REALLY angry?

Feeding anger about things we can't control is distracting, and while that is sometimes exactly why we do it, it doesn't make our lives any better.

The above sentence was a closing comment I just made on a message board and I think it is something we all need to be reminded of from time to time. Maybe the reason I've noticed this with people so much recently is because I need to remember it. (I do get that.) In the hopes that my introspection will help you, here are some reasons why I get into misdirected anger ...

1. Being angry about something I can't control distracts me from dealing with something I want to ignore. I should be dealing with it, I can have an impact, but I don't want to deal with it so I divert my energy onto something else that is futile and drains my thoughts.

2. Being angry that others are not doing what they can/should be doing to address their problems is both a distraction (see #1), and it is a way of consoling myself ... at least I don't that, I would do that differently etc. Their problems may be ones I have and/or are willing to address, so I can pretend that I deal with all of my issues since I deal with THOSE issues.

3. Distracted anger keeps me angry. If I delve too much into why I am really angry, I'll find that I feel hurt.

Anger masks pain, and until I am willing to deal with the pain, until I am willing to know my real intentions, until I am willing to move forward, it's just easier to stay angry and the best way for me to stay angry is to be angry about something I can't control.

There is no end to that anger.

Copyright © 2009, Lisa Wagner

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